b a c k  t o  b i r d s n e s t

The Ferengi Rules of Acquisition 

#1. Once you have their money, you never give it back.

#3. Never pay more for an acquisition than you have to.

#4. A woman wearing clothes is like a man in the kitchen.

#6. Never allow family to stand in the way of opportunity.

#7. Keep your ears open.

#8. Small print leads to large risk.

#9. Opportunity plus instinct equals profit.

#10. Greed is eternal.

#12. Anything worth selling is worth selling twice.

#13. Anything worth doing is worth doing for money.

#16. A deal is a deal until a better one comes along.

#18. A Ferengi without profit is no Ferengi at all.

#19. Satisfaction is not guaranteed.

#21. Never place friendship above profit.

#22. A wise man can hear profit in the wind.

#26. As The customers go, so goes the wise profiteer.

#27. There is nothing more dangerous than an honest businessman.

#31. Never make fun of a Ferengi's mother, insult something he cares about instead.

#33. It never hurts to suck up to the boss.

#34. Peace is good for business.

#35. War is good for business.

#40. She can touch your lobes but never your latinum.

#41. Profit is its own reward.

#44. Never confuse wisdom with luck.

#47. Don't trust a man wearing a better suit than your own.

#48. The bigger the smile, the sharper the knife.

#50. Gratitude can bring on generosity.

#52. Never ask when you can take.

#57. Good customers are as rare as latinum - treasure them.

#58. There is no substitute for success.

#59. Free advice is seldom cheap.

#60. Keep your lies consistent.

#62. The riskier the road, the greater the profit.

#65. Win or lose, there is always Huyperian bettle snuff.

#69. Ferengi are not responsible for the stupidity of other races.

#71. There's a customer born every minute.

#73. If it gets your profit, sell your own mother.

#75. Home is where the heart is, but the stars are made of latinum.

#76. Every once in a while, declare peace. It confuses the hell out of your enemies.

#79. Beware of the Vulcan greeds for knowledge.

#82. The flimsier the product, the higher the price.

#85. Never let the competition know what you are thinking.

#89. Ask not what your profits can do for you, but what you can do for your profits.

#94. Female and finances don't mix.

#97. Enough is never enough.

#99. Trust is the biggest liability of all.

#102. Nature decays, but latinum lasts forever.

#103. Sleep can interfere.

#104. Faith moves mountains of inventory.

#106. There is no honor in poverty.

#109. Dignity and an empty sack is worth the sack.

#111. Treat people in your debt like family, exploit them.

#112. Never have sex with the boss's sister.

#113. Always have sex with the boss.

#116. There's always a catch.

#117. You can't free a fish from water.

#121. Everything is forsale, even friendships.

#123. Even a blind man can recognize the glow of latinum.

#135. Never trust a beneficiary.

#139. Wives serve, brothers inherit.

#141. Only fools pay retail.

#144. There is nothing wrong with charity, as long as it winds up in your pocket.

#153. Sell the sizzle, not the steak.

#162. Even in the worst of times someone turns a profit.

#177. Know your enemies, but do business with them always.

#181. Not even dishonesty can tarnish the shine of profit.

#184. A Ferengi waits to bid until his opponents have exhausted themselves.

#189. Let others keep their reputation. You can keep their money.

#192. Never cheat a Klingon unless you're sure you can get away with it.

#194. It is always good business to know about new customers before they walk in your door.

#202. The justification for profit is profit.

#214. Never begin a negotiation on an empty stomach.

#218. Always know what you are buying.

#219. Possession is eleven-tenths of the law.

#223. Beware the man who doesn't make time for oo-mox.

#229. Latinum lasts longer than lust.

#236. You can't buy fate.

#242. More is good, all is better.

#255. A wife is a luxury, a smart accountant a necessity.

#261. A wealthy man can afford anything except a conscience.

#266. When in doubt, lie.

#284. Deep down everyone is a Ferengi.

#285. No good deed ever goes unpunished.